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What Should You Do If You Feel You Are Not Having Enough Sex?

People are having less sex now than ever before, according to several studies looking into what people get up to between the sheets.

The National Surveys Of Sexual Attitudes And Lifestyles (Natsal) have found that the average amount of sex people have each week has reduced, from five times a month in 1991 to four times per month in 2001 and down again to three times per month in 2012, with a fourth survey expected to report a similar drop.

Other surveys such as the US National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour found a similar fall, but does these broader statistics really matter to your relationship?

The answer is a resounding no; if you feel happy, fulfilled and satisfied in your sex life, then it doesn’t matter how much saucy action you have, whether you use a bondage kit or how many partners you have so long as you are safe doing so.

The problem is not about quantity but quality; what if you have a lot of deeply unsatisfying sex or you enjoy making love but do not do it enough?

The answer to the latter involves getting to the heart of why you feel you are not getting enough action, and there can be a lot of different answers to this.

A common issue is simply a case of mismatched libidos. The Natsal reported that a quarter of people in a relationship didn’t have the same level of interest in their partners, which can be talked about and is a completely normal, natural and fine part of many relationships.

If the issue is feeling too busy for sex, then it could be time to plan romantic dates and trips (or stop planning them and be more spontaneous), to help get the stressors in your life out of sight and out of mind and focus on each other.

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