Friends With Benefits: No Drama Or Complicated?

Since the release of the 2011 film Friends With Benefits starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis, the concept of having a relationship purely for casual sex has gone mainstream. For some people it’s the ideal scenario of sex without the commitment or effort of real dating, while for others it’s, well…complicated. 

A friend with benefits (FWB) can work well for those who are just not ready for a full-on relationship but still want to have a regular sexual partner. Often, it happens between two former lovers who have not moved on to new partners. The romance may have died, but the sex is still OK or even good…you get the picture.

It may even be just platonic flatmates or colleagues who find the convenience of being in each other’s orbit makes sexual opportunities easy to come by, so why not? There’s no proper dating, no gifts or weekends away, no emotional investment…just the age old satisfying of the sexual itch.

For some people, this may sound like the ideal set-up, while others may just feel a bit dispirited by the whole concept. So can FWB really work?

There are plenty of advantages, besides the obvious one of having sex on tap without all the luggage of a conventional relationship. It can be a great way to have some fun with sex and express a side of yourself that you may feel more reluctant to reveal in a more traditional set up. 

It’s an opportunity to experiment with having sex in new locations, or introduce sex toys such as a remote control love egg. There’s less at stake and so it’s easier to step away from your usual sexual routine and try out something different, whether that’s new positions, role play, props, kink…whatever floats your boat.

Just as in any relationship though, you need to be upfront about what each other’s boundaries are and have consent for everything you do first. In fact, the more freely you can both express yourselves, the better the whole situation will be. 

What about the downsides of friends with benefits? Well this really depends on how comfortable you both are with the lack of commitment, and the knowledge that one or both of you will probably also be seeing other people. If the thought of that makes you unhappy or just a bit jealous, then you should probably question the wisdom of what you are doing.

Chances are, sooner or later one of you will meet someone who they have deeper feelings for, and decide to end the arrangement. Can you handle the thought of that happening if you are the one left behind? There is also the possibility that you may end up falling for your FWB, only to find your feelings are not reciprocated.

Of course, in the Hollywood version, both partners will gradually realise their true feelings for each other and the FWB transitions into a full-on romantic relationship, even though this wasn’t the intention at the outset. And you never know, maybe this will happen to you one day…