Busting Common Misconceptions About BDSM

Over the past decade, BDSM has moved from fringe subcultures into the mainstream, and many people and couples are interested in picking up a bondage kit and getting started.

Because BDSM is fundamentally so broad, there are a lot of ways to get into more kinky sex, learn about your desires, what you want to give and what you want to receive, as well as the dynamic you want to have with a sexual partner.

This broadness, as well as the increasing mainstream understanding of kink broadly and BDSM in particular, has led to a much wider availability of toys and accessories to help people indulge their kinks, as well as a greater representation of kinks in the wider media.

Whilst this is generally positive in terms of raising awareness and acceptance, some misconceptions have perpetuated that are in some cases unhelpful and frustrating, and in other cases outright dangerous.

Here are some of the most common myths about BDSM and the truth behind them.

BDSM Is A Broad Church

Much like there is no one right way to have sex, BDSM does not necessarily mean whips, chains, leather and lace.

Even the very initialism, first coined in 1991, is a combination of three separate, widely used abbreviations:

• Bondage and Discipline (B/D).
• Dominance and submission (D/s).
• Sadism and Masochism (S/M).

Some BDSM dynamics involve all of these elements, with clearly defined roles, rules, rewards, punishments and restraining play, but many, if not most, only focus on certain aspects of the umbrella.

If you have ever pinned someone down during sex, bitten them, or spanked them, you have engaged in BDSM without really knowing it.

BDSM Is Strictly Controlled

Trust is the fundamental key to BDSM, and without it, a kink dynamic simply cannot work.

This can sometimes take the form of literal contracts, and although this is not always the case, there is clear communication between potential play partners before anything happens. Any potential risks will be discussed and minimised, be within the context of fantasy and are performed safely.

This includes the discussion of boundaries, any conditions that may affect the scene and expectations for everyone involved. It also highlights what types of aftercare might be needed after particularly intense scenes and encounters.

The most critical part of this is the establishment of safe words.

Safe Words Are Simple And Mandatory

The most important part of this is the safe word, which contrary to some depictions in media of what is described as BDSM is a critical part of ensuring sexual sessions are enjoyable and safe for both the top and bottom in the encounter.

If a safe word is said, the scene stops immediately, any restraints or devices are removed as quickly and safely as possible, and everyone involved moves into aftercare, in whatever form is needed to preserve physical and mental health.

Submissives Have A Lot Of Control 

The dominant/submissive dynamic is fascinating because whilst it may appear to be the former 

controlling the latter, it is seldom the case, and the dynamic in practice is far more even, with doms doing a lot in the service of their subs.