Avoiding First Date Sex
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First things first, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex on the first date. I have actually had some of my best (and longest) lovers this way. This is a safe space with no slut shaming allowed.
Sometimes though you think “dang, this one seems like one I should get to know emotionally before I fuck him” and my brain immediately follows this up with “HOW?”… mainly because my mind is so yonically powered. So I have derived a few tips and tricks to try and abate this carnal (often tequila induced) need.
1) Have plans early the next morning
This one works surprisingly well, especially for a first date and especially in London. With a city so big and not knowing where you may end up, it makes you think twice before slipping into that taxi. I also get put off by the thought of getting hot and sticky with someone, then them not having the decency of letting you use the shower or, almost as bad, having a terrible shower (I have been a victim of this). This is further compounded by the thought of not having clean knickers or deodorant.
2) School night dates
Basically the same as above. However, sometimes this one fails me because in my brain, a 9am meeting is less important than a 7.30am theatre list (very doctory here, but I am sure you have a relatable analogy). I kind of have to think this one through further like “How shit am I going to feel if I am hungover, sleep deprived and had an intense work out” but I can feel great if I’ve had a cracking orgasm…ANYWAY, I do try to behave on school nights.
3) Wear unattractive underwear
Context and circumstance are very important factors in our libido. I know I am less likely to feel sexy if I have my “long day at work so I am going to wear cotton panties to protect my vaginal pH and protect against thrush” knickers on. The less sexy I feel, the less likely I am going to want to have sex with someone. Important note, this does not affect the way I feel about myself on the date, as the things I wear can still add great structure so I look fucking hot with my clothes on. If you are one of those people that needs to wear you best lingerie on a date to feel like the best you, you do you boo.
4) Don’t do that tequila shot
I once put on my dating app profile “feed with tequila to earn everlasting trust”. This turned out to be a fatal error, as undoubtedly with the third drink (and all ones subsequently), a tequila shot was brought along too. I then went through a phase of “well, the night has gone a bit blurry, somehow they’ve ended up coming home with me and now I feel like my body is rejecting living”. I’ve now modified my approach to date drinking. I always eat before a first date. I have singles rather than doubles of spirits…and I try to avoid tequila.
5) Don’t shave your legs
Again, this is a personal one. In 2020, I think it is our choice how and where we have body hair. Don’t let any fucker tell you differently. I have a great waxing lady in Whitechapel and I feel better about myself and my body with all my hair below the level of my nose stripped off. I call having hairy legs “my chastity belt” and genuinely, this is the most protective factor I have. I have no idea how or why it works so well for me, but it’s just a big fat psychological NOPE.
6) Make a safety net
Occasionally, I get a girlfriend to pre-arrange a cock blocking call at a later part of the evening. Inevitably, I ignore them but it’s nice to try!
Let me be clear, I have done all these things and still undoubtedly had sex on the first date…That’s a lie, I don’t think I’ve ever said no to a tequila shot. The most important thing is that you are safe and are empowered in your choices and sexuality.
Be you. Be better. Be Kandid.
Dr Elesha Vooght